Sunday, August 24, 2014

What It Takes To Be Successful: The Definitive List

My dog Gus Gus
Who could resist this guy?
Recently, my LinkedIn newsfeed has been chock full of tips on how to make me successful. Or, rather, a form of successful that equates to the weird ideal of a workaholic life coach or CEO.

So, I decided it was time to take back my morning, and write the definitive list of what it takes to be successful in life.

1. Go to sleep and stay asleep. On almost every single “what it takes to be successful” list is a gentle admonishment to get your lazy self out of bed earlier. Despite flying in the face of virtually every scientific study on the subject, somehow ambitious people have gotten it into their heads that waking up hours before dawn is a good thing.

Waking up a 4am is insane. Unless, I guess, you go to sleep at 8pm every night. Which brings me to my next point.

2. Watch Million Dollar Listing or Project Runway. Why? Because they’re fun. Life is about more than work and thinking about the impact of technology on the global economy. Watching great reality TV is like drinking coffee: why wouldn’t you do it? For the record, Million Dollar Listing Miami is superior to the other two franchises.

3. Rescue a dog. Or a cat if that’s your thing. Why? Because good people like animals. A dog makes you a better person. Gus, my partner in crime, always cheers me up after a bad day. Who doesn’t love a good game of “Rawr” (which involves me chasing him around the house while yelling “rawwwwrrr”). And pets help you get your steps in!

4. Go get a drink. All work and no play makes you dull as dirt. Smart people know that social time is as important as work time, and that being the company wallflower won’t get you anywhere. Many a disagreement has been resolved over a pint, and wine-o-clock has saved more than one team’s morale.

5. Play Cards Against Humanity, because that game, to butcher Benjamin Franklin, is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.


Ultimately, successful people remember my favorite quote by Dr. Seuss: “why fit in when you were born to stand out?”

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